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Winter Olympics 2002


Nicole has dominated these games and I will update this page whenever her latest gold medal is confirmed.


Mega News! Nicole becomes a Seasoning!


Due to Nicole’s mega success at this years games, the council of Salt Lake City (that’s where the games are) have decided to rename the Salt Lake, “Nicole Lake”. They have also worked with Nicole’s lawyers to prove that due to this, “salt” is actually property of Nicole Cooke! Consequences of this super duper move are:


Ø      Across the world, “salt” will have to be renamed “Nicole”.

Ø      Therefore, you will now have Nicole and Pepper on your chips.

Ø      Nicole water fish will be very popular,

Ø      The periodic table will have to be reworked. “Sodium” will become “Nic” and “chlorine” will become “Ole”. The ‘ole swimming hole will take on new meaning after this!

Ø      Chemical equations will have to be changed, ie: Acid + Base è Nicole + Water


Nicole’s supporters welcome all of this. If you don’t, then you are an enemy.

Nicole’s main competitor, “Some Cyclist Woman” says that this is evidence of Nicole trying to take over the world. However, Nicole has rebuked this comment saying “who would want to take over the world when I already have Wick?”.


Nicole Wins Snow Cycling!


Nicole’s first medal was in the Snow Cycling, where she totally kicked ass and smashed the universe record by 2 hours. Nicole finished the event in under 1 second, this was 2 hours less than the previous record. Scientists are investigating whether Nicole broke the speed of light, again, in this event. When will they accept that Einstein is nothing compared to the mega power of Nicole Cooke?


Below, a glimpse of Nicole in the Snow Cycling, travelling at the speed of light:


If you can’t see it, click it to download. It don’t take long.



Note: in the background the other cyclists on the mountain. Also note that there is no colour in this because I couldn’t be bot…..I mean, due to the immense speed of Nicole, the colour ink evaporated. And snow is white, so shut the hell up.