The History of the First Ever Nicole Cooke Fan Site!
The exact history of this site is shrouded in mystery. . It is thought that it was set up in 2000 during a GCSE IT lesson, for the amusement of Mr Bike (the mysterious webmaster), Mr Ouch my Kidney (a super mysterious Australian celebrity with a strange connection to Nicole Cooke) and Mr Scarlet (another mysterious IT class member, who supports a dodgy rugby team).
The very first version consisted of a page full of dodgy photos (some were thought to have been doctored, although this was never proven) and links to massive stories about Nicole Cooke. This site always reported news that was never reported elsewhere, making it the prime source of information on Nicole in the known universe.
Throughout it's early life, this site managed to push the boundaries of graphical web design to the limit. Whether it was such incredible and highly valued pieces of art as shown below
Or brilliant digital art (read: fiddled photos) which unfortunately are no longer with us. :-(
A particular classic was that
of Nicole's face superimposed onto Roy Jones Jr. to show Nicole
taking her first boxing belt.
Dr Terrence de Bourgoise III, art critic and professional git, comments on the mentioned classic
"Well, I was at that particular boxing match, and I can say that I felt every emotion Nicole felt when she won that night. And the art really expresses this brilliantly, furthermore....what did you say? The photo was fake?! Oh, er, I think you could say I've just had an art critic moment*"
*Art Critic Moment - when everyone realises the awful truth- that you have been doing a rubbish and pointless jobs for years and taking money off hard working jacket potatomen.
Mr Bike continually updated the site and sent out his highly brilliant notification emails to tell everyone about this.
Unfortunately, the fan site had hit it's peak. When www.nicolecooke.com launched, it took traffic from this site, reducing the "Hits per Day" value from somewhere in the region of 63 million to roughly 3. An astute businessman, Mr Bike knew that he should make a deal with the official site, in order to survive. This fell through, and Mr Bike resorted to childish "We were here first" and "Proud to be in direct competition with nicolecooke.com" slogans. However, it is known that Nicole Cooke is a great fan of this site, so take note of this, Tripod, before you close me down again. And also, it is true that Mr Bike had complete control over www.nicolecooke.com at one point- and could have deleted the entire site, but chose not to.
On with the show, the site suffered from terminal decline and eventually Tripod shut down the original coriander3 site due to neglect. The site was relaunched at coriander4, but was shut down again. Mr Bike showed great will power and love for the site, by spending a few minutes finding another free web host, and moving to coriander.150m.com. Unfortunately, it all went horribly wrong again. Recently, the site upped at coriander40.tripod.com. Yet again, the site was closed down, this time due to Mr Bike breaking the Terms of Service (sorry). Finally, we have relaunched at corianders.tripod.com, an ironic move since Mr Bike always used to spell "coriander3" as "corianders" in the links, hence befuddling users.
An incident involving a bison, two bananas and a sandal, however, resulted in Mr Bike losing loads of brilliant files, including the infamous "Barf" files of recent times.
So many set backs, but Mr Bike does not give up, he works tirelessly (OK, sometimes he forgets about the site completely for a year or two at a time) to make this site THE BEST.
Super awesome changes in the future involve cashing in on the new love of Peter Andre, by changing the name of the site to the "First Ever Nicole Cooke INSANIA!!!! Site"
This has the added bonus of changing the acronym to the super amazing "FENCIS".
Frequently Asked Questions!
Asked about as frequently as an ecclipse. Well, actually, these are the questions that I ask myself all the time..mwahaha!
Q) Are they watching us?
A) Yes. If you're paranoid, it's because they're watching us.
Q) Who is Mr Bike, Mr Ouch My
Kidney, Mr Scarlet?
A) The answer the whole world wants to know. Well tough, you shall not find out. As a hint, Mr Ouch My Kidney is famous, and not quite Australian. Mr Scarlet supports Llanelli. Mr Bike is incredible.
Q) When you started this FAQ,
did you have a specific question you wanted to type, because you
had thought up an amusing response?
A) Yes, and I have forgotten it.
Note: Number 3 is actually true. Darn.
Q) When did you last have
contact with Nicole?
A) Over christmas she phoned me, and my phone battery died later that evening when I was very drunk. Nicole, I shall never forgive you. Haha.
Before that, was an MSN conversation in which I told her I had vomitted through my nose.