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Awful News!


It is a dark day for the universe today.


What could be worse than Nicole Cooke failing to achieve victory in a race? We struggle to find an answer.


The other day, in her first senior racy thing Nicole came sixth out of 170. This means that she did not win.


We found Nicole looking decidedly breathfull in her team tent after the event. When asked to comment, Nicole said:

“Keep this on the quiet, but I’m just trying to make the world think that I’m not all that great after all. It’s just part of my plan to take over Wick! Oops! I mean, the world!”


On Thursday, the Gazette struggled to find words to write an article about Nicole not winning a race. At the last minute, the paper managed to recruit a rugby reporter from a town called “Tabard” who managed to write a dismal report without breaking into a sweat.